Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
