Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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