i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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