hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
