but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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