Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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