so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
