I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
