i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
