I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
