he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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