Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
