You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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