A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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