I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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