In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
