no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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