So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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