Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize