Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
