okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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