My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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