Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
