just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
