did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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