I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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