i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
