i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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