I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
