Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
