Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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