If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
