Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You've changed since you got that strap on
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