he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
