im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
