OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
