DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
