honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
