When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
