new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
