my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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