Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
