her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
