32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
