guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
