we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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