I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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