she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize