My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
