maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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