You made me cry and you don't even care
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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