Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
