Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
