I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
