We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
