she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
