I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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