you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
