The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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