There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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