And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
