Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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