Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
