I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
