my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
