Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
