shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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