I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize