are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
