I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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