How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
