yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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