is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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