I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize