her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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