he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
