You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
