my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
