i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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