Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
