I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
