i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
