Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
