it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
