no, he came in my armpit
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
