I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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