I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
