I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
