from now on my penis is your penis
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
